Kari’s out of surgery and doing fine. Everything went as good as could be expected. Thanks to everone who was praying!!

So…Why am I posting?  Because it didn’t happen.  It was postponed.

We dropped off the kids with Barry and Kendra, said our goodbyes, made a list of all the last minute things we had to do, had a wonderful date in the balcony at the Warren–we ate dinner, were treated to heated seats, and had waitstaff the entire time while watching The Dark Knight!  Excellent.  On our way home, we checked our voicemails, and one of them was from Dr Bajaj.  Who had been stuck on the runway for 4 hours.  In Washington.  Sigh.  Stuff like this always happens, wouldn’t you know it??

So I’ll be going in Monday. I get to do the whole mustering up the courage thing again.  But I know that everything happens for a reason so I’ll just trust God with it.  And this morning I got to go pick up the kids and that felt wonderful.  So yay for having another precious weekend with my family!

I’ll be getting wheeled into surgery.  I have to say this is the most anxious I’ve been about any of the procedures so far.  I don’t really know WHY, but I have some theories. 

Maybe because this is the “optional” surgery.  Not that it really is optional, I’m a 31 year old married mom of two with no breasts.  If I want normalcy back, I need to have reconstruction.  Chris deserves it, I deserve it.  But it’s still not a life saving surgery.  There was no backing out of the double mastectomy because without it I would have died.  There’s a different feel when you know that it’s not a life or death situation.

Or…maybe it’s because I remember the pain from the mastectomy and I’m not feeling like I want to skip down that path ever again.  Ever.

Or it could be that I’m just not very good at interruptions.  Life is going so well, why screw with that, you know?

Whatever it is, I’m nervous and having a hard time keeping positive.  Mainly because I don’t  feel I tolerate pain well, but then again, ask Chris and he says I do.  He did watch me give birth to two children with no pain meds.  He saw me through painful chemo and radiation.  So maybe I’m just not giving myself enough credit.  I dunno. 

I do know that God is going to get me through this.  Dr Bajaj is the best, and I truly believe she is God’s provision for me in this process.  So I have to trust Him.  I will trust Dr Bajaj and I will trust Him to ease the suffering that I’m about to endure.  Why would I doubt?  He’s never let me down before.

So there you have it, my feelings on reconstruction, jumbled up as they may seem.  They made sense in my head.  =)  I think more than anything, you’re reading the evidence of a heart who longs to trust her Creator in the depths of her doubts.   The man in the book of Mark chapter 9 who exclaims “Jesus, I believe! Help me overcome my unbelief!” Peter who stood on water only for a moment before letting his fears get the best of him.  I just want to take God at his word, why is this so difficult for me?  I want to rest.  To be still and know He is God.   But for some reason this mind won’t stop racing, this heart keeps on pounding, and my fears complicate the simple Truth.

And that is the raw, gritty, anxious emotion that is keeping me from sleeping tonight.

Okay this is only a week behind here so bear with me.  It’s been a week full of insanity as I prepare for my surgery and we wrap up the last few days of Mothers Day out. 

4th of July, we started out going to the Bethany parade.  Everyone lines up on main street and it’s a great time.  The girls caught a ton of candy and there were some really cool floats.  Here’s some pics we got from the parade…

Then we went to some friends’ house for a cookout.  Trinity was MUCH more willing to take pictures!  I thought this one was precious. 

Gracie enjoyed some sorbet that Josh made!

And random here, but can you even believe how long my hair is getting?? I love the curls!  Love em! Even though it’s shorter and darker and curlier than Chris would prefer.  And I had a CAT scan of my liver on Thursday.  The results came back negative, there’s no more cancer anywhere, so yay!

Okay, and let me tell you about my latest hobby.  I call it CVSing.  I learned how to do it from a message board I’m on, strangely enough.  My friends were talking about saving coupons from Sunday’s paper, and then waiting until CVS (and sometimes other stores) offers extra care bucks or low sale prices on items you need.  I really haven’t ever been good at coupon clipping or using them wisely so I was intruigued.  The past few months I have been getting some good deals here and there but today I hit the motherload.  Here’s all the stuff I got: 

2 Febreeze fabric refresher

2 Febreeze Air freshner

2 Cans of pringles

2 Covergirl mascaras

2 Dawn ultra

1 Covergirl lipslicks

1 Covergirl eye effects shadow

1 Cascade dishwashing powder

Grand total: $59…but I spent $16.09!!  Amazing, isn’t it?  I got the Cascade for…THREE CENTS!  Uh, yeah. I paid cash. 

Alright well, that’s all I have for now.  Enjoy your week!

A perfectly normal sunny Saturday morning.  Mommy is sipping coffee and loading the dishwasher, Daddy is sleeping in.  The Moroz girls decide to play in the back yard.  Not five minutes later, the screams from my children could wake the dead.  I drop a fork on the floor as I run to the patio door to see my two precious angels, screaming and crying and pointing to some monstrosity I can’t see without going outside on the patio.  I expect a garden snake, a squirrel, perhaps a mouse.  I throw open the door and run outside while their screams escalate.  I prepare for battle with the worst kind of critter, and since it has obviously offended my princesses, I will be brave.  I turn to see it.  The monster.  It is a…

moth.   

This my friends, is the drama that I live with.  Heart racing moments of emergency turned hilarity and blood curdling screams of fear turned delight.  And this is the joy (and pain) of having little girls.