I’m alright. Sorry about the sad last post. This past week I have not felt the peace of God but it wasn’t God’s fault at all. I was coasting through all this cancer stuff, depending on Him for everything. I was walking on water and I had all the faith in the world. But then my former church did another round of firing people and that brought up some painful emotional scars from the past, then we’re dealing with all the financial stuff that goes along with everyday life, plus cancer treatment, life got too busy, we found out our friends (Holland’s family) are moving away, and a then that $7000 bill came, Trinity’s teething, my house is a MESS, I realized how tired I truly am, and then I had this strange revelation: I AM A CANCER PATIENT. I looked at the circumstances and once I did, I started sinking fast! Lying there on the radiation table, my mind became cluttered with irrational thoughts, things I know are untrue, but at the time seemed very real. That I wasn’t worth this treatment, that I am a burden to my family and friends. That I am better off dead than having to go through all this crap to keep me alive, and for what? So I can work the rest of my life paying off treatment? I know those things are not truth. I know that is not what God says about me, but I started to believe them, because I was not focused on God getting me through. I peeked, just for second, at the circumstances around me and I freaked out. I thank you all for your ecards, cards, phone calls, comments, and encouragement to me and I am so glad that I have friends that can and will speak Truth to me when I need it. I have been able to put this past week down and look forward once again. I’m almost done! Why doubt God now? Why doubt myself? I am strong, I can do this! God is my strength and my victory.
Seems kind of off topic, but that’s so heavy up there, I can’t just leave you with that. Here’s something funny for you. Tonight on the way home Gracie said to Chris, “Daddy, when I grow up, I’m going to be a princess and the workers are going to build me a castle and you can be the Queen!” Hahahahahaha! Queen Daddy, has a nice ring to it, huh?
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