So today I had the kids by myself for the first time since the mastectomy. I guess I had unrealistic expectations of the day, because I was completely exhausted by 3:00. On my list of things I needed to do today: drop off Chris, pick up Gracie from preschool, take both girls to gymnastics, do Trinity’s OPAT screening with Mindy, and take Trinity to the doctor. She’s had the sniffles for awhile and all of a sudden it got really bad over the weekend. It’s bronchitis, Dr Stephens said it looked the start of RSV! I felt terrible. I know there’s nothing I could have done, but something deep inside me was so angry at my cancer, for infringing on the health of my precious child. I can deal with the minor things that we’ve dealt with because of it, like Gracie not being able to play soccer this spring, or spending all our money on medical bills and prescriptions, or sending the girls to daycare for a few weeks while I recover. But this–my sweet Trinity being so sick–that just broke my heart. I am so ready to be healthy so I can get my focus back on the children. It feels unnatural to spend so much time on me. All these appointments, all this medication and dumping them off at people’s houses…it’s wearing on me, definitely. And I know it’s affecting them, not just physically but emotionally as well.
I’m going to be calling some of you shortly. We’ll be back on a chemo schedule soon and I’ll be “dumping” the kids with you all again. Just to give you all fair warning…
Sorry this post is so melancholy. I just don’t have the energy to be overly optimistic tonight. Give me a few days and I’ll be back to my normal happy self. Thanks for all the prayers, and don’t forget to pray for Tiny Trinity tonight!
**EDIT** So today’s been better as far as Gracie goes…Trinity’s still very sick, she just threw up in her crib and all over her changing table. Yuck. And typical Gracie, she’s all up in here trying to help and gagging and threatening to throw up herself. LOL Oh man, I just have to resolve to let my house look like a bomb went off and tend to the kiddos. Here’s what Gracie and I were doing before the puke:
The minute I saw two pink lines on that pregnancy test, this is what I hoped for. I’m such a girl mom–I guess God just knew that. It’s all tiaras and lipstick and princess gowns…well, and puke. But soon enough, we’ll all be back to Princess condition. Then Miss Trinity can join us in make believing that we’re off for a day at the beauty shop and late for the Princess ball…
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