First of all, I admit that it’s easy for me to get caught up in my own little world, where everything seems to be going wrong. So I would apologize about that last post, but I know that you all would rather have my heartfelt emotions instead of my faking a smile and telling you everything is just peachy when it’s not.  Cancer is a tough battle.  So is motherhood.  And you get the raw details when it comes to me, I think you all know that and expect that from me. Today was better than yesterday.  Trinity’s still snotty, vomiting and running a fever.  I’m still a bit sore from surgery.  But those things are temporary.

I have been following this story for only about a week now…but there are so many similarities in our families.  I think if you would take a few minutes to read her story, it would change you.  When I think of her, my own struggle with cancer doesn’t seem so bad to me. Every night I think of her, and her husband Chris, and their two little girls, same ages as Gracie and Trinity.

http://jenniferireland.blogs.com/weblog/

Please pray for Jennifer and the family she is leaving behind. 

 So today I had the kids by myself for the first time since the mastectomy.  I guess I had unrealistic expectations of the day, because I was completely exhausted by 3:00. On my list of things I needed to do today: drop off Chris, pick up Gracie from preschool, take both girls to gymnastics, do Trinity’s OPAT screening with Mindy, and take Trinity to the doctor.  She’s had the sniffles for awhile and all of a sudden it got really bad over the weekend.  It’s bronchitis, Dr Stephens said it looked the start of RSV!  I felt terrible.  I know there’s nothing I could have done, but something deep inside me was so angry at my cancer, for infringing on the health of my precious child.  I can deal with the minor things that we’ve dealt with because of it, like Gracie not being able to play soccer this spring, or spending all our money on medical bills and prescriptions, or sending the girls to daycare for a few weeks while I recover. But this–my sweet Trinity being so sick–that just broke my heart.  I am so ready to be healthy so I can get my focus back on the children.  It feels unnatural to spend so much time on me.   All these appointments, all this medication and dumping them off at people’s houses…it’s wearing on me, definitely.  And I know it’s affecting them, not just physically but emotionally as well.

I’m going to be calling some of you shortly.  We’ll be back on a chemo schedule soon and I’ll be “dumping” the kids with you all again.  Just to give you all fair warning…

Sorry this post is so melancholy.  I just don’t have the energy to be overly optimistic tonight.  Give me a few days and I’ll be back to my normal happy self.  Thanks for all the prayers, and don’t forget to pray for Tiny Trinity tonight!

**EDIT** So today’s been better as far as Gracie goes…Trinity’s still very sick, she just threw up in her crib and all over her changing table.  Yuck.  And typical Gracie, she’s all up in here trying to help and gagging and threatening to throw up herself.  LOL  Oh man, I just have to resolve to let my house look like a bomb went off and tend to the kiddos.  Here’s what Gracie and I were doing before the puke:

The minute I saw two pink lines on that pregnancy test, this is what I hoped for.  I’m such a girl mom–I guess God just knew that.  It’s all tiaras and lipstick and princess gowns…well, and puke.  But soon enough, we’ll all be back to Princess condition.    Then Miss Trinity can join us in make believing that we’re off for a day at the beauty shop and late for the Princess ball…

Well…sorry I haven’t updated in awhile. But I’m getting stronger every day! 

We have received gifts from the most unexpected places.  I know God is working in huge ways, just in the way He has prompted people (even perfect strangers!) to help us with the cancer fund.  I can’t thank you all enough for praying and giving.  We will soon have enough for the COBRA for two months and continue my treatment as normal. 

And speaking of treatment…Chris and I met with the radiology team last week.  I will do chemo first (for two months) but I will also have to do radiation which I am completely dreading.  The PA told me, “I’m not going to lie to you, it hurts” Ugh.  And instead of the 6 weeks like they originally thought, the treatment plan is 8 weeks.  Basically it’s an accumulated sunburn feeling for 8 weeks. They said if I get to week 7 and my skin is too burned or blistered, they won’t do the last week.  Um, thanks.  I think.  Just gotta put on my big girl panties and deal with it I suppose. 

Gosh, in reviewing this post, it’s all cancer, cancer, cancer…which is exactly what I set out NOT to do from the beginning.   Cancer will not control my life.  Here’s better stuff:

Trinity has TWO teeth coming in–on the bottom in front, they are poking through the gums!  She’s so big–where has the time gone?  She’s not crawling yet, she’s so lazy just like Gracie was.  She’s working on talking though, I assume (again, like Gracie) that is so she can just sit around and order us to go get her things instead of having to actually exert the effort to crawl or walk to go get them herself.  I’m in no hurry for her to be mobile, but as all moms know, there’s that panicked feeling of guilt and concern when someone asks the inevitable “is she crawling/talking/balancing your checkbook yet?” All these expectations, geez!  That question should be illegal. 

Gracie the Diva told me the other night that I’ve “ruined her life” because I refused to give her a cookie before dinner.  Haha!  What am I going to do with her?  She cried for about an hour over it. Wow.  Other than the occasional flip-out characteristic of all true drama queens, things in Gracie land are great.  She’s starting to act four in so many ways. She dresses herself and draws pictures of our family and spells her name…sigh. Big girl!  

Chris’ last day at AOL is Monday. Then Tuesday he starts his new job at Teleflora.  Hourly pay is less, but the bonus payout is higher.  So I know Chris will do well, he’s motivated by big bonuses.  I am so proud of him, he was a top salesman at AOL and I have no doubt he will impress his new employer as well. 

Well, that’s all.  Gotta go and rest.  Love you guys!!! 

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So in response to all the traffic…welcome new readers! Thank you for stopping by. Please see the post below and all of the previous posts if you like!

I have fought hard to be optimistic and straighforward through this process of battling my cancer.  I have been honest about the pain and about my feelings, but this is the hardest thing I have had to do so far.  My friends and family, those of you who I know in “real life” and those of you who are my friends through the internet…I need your help.

I’ve racked my brain and tried hard to make it sound just right, or politically correct, or whatever.  But there’s just no other way to say it, so I’m just going to say it.  I’m desperate to stay alive and to beat this cancer. 

In 8 days, AOL is closing its doors.  We will have health insurance until February 29.  Then the new job (he was hired today at Teleflora PRAISE GOD!) requires a 90-day waiting period before benefits begin.  This will delay my treatment and reduce my chances of winning this battle. My next chemotherapy will be a little over $8000 and radiation will be $150,000 if we don’t have insurance coverage.  A COBRA can be purchased through the insurance we have now for $700 a month, for two months.  This will get me past chemo and safely onto the next insurance plan provided through Chris’ new job.

Some people have asked  if we need money, it’s always so hard to know exactly what to say. So on the advice of people who we love and trust, we have set up a fund at the Bank of Oklahoma.  If you want to help, go to any BOk and make a donation to the “Kari Moroz Cancer Fund.”  You don’t even need an account number.  If you don’t live in Oklahoma, you can call the bank toll free at 1(800) 234-6181 or you can send it to the Bank By Mail address: PO BOX 1300 Tulsa OK 74102 and just remember to write “Kari Moroz Cancer Fund” so that it goes to the right account! (In the case that we raise more than we need for the COBRA, donations will be used to pay the medical bills…which are coming in daily!) Also, I have a paypal account, just message me if you want to send something that way and I will get you the email address. Your donation could be $1 and it will be the most precious gift you could ever give me and my family.

And keep praying, I am believing God for this miracle of healing and for this insurance stuff to be worked out.  Please believe Him with me.  I know with God all things are possible.

Thank you!

Kari 

**HUGE EXCITING EDIT** Wanna know how good God is?  I’m laughing and crying and thanking God all at the same time! We already have a month of COBRA paid for…this message on my blog has been up for less than 24 hours! I know that He is doing great things.  I believe in His miracles and He is going to get the glory for all this…with God all things are possible!