God has been dealing with me.  I have been listening.  I’ve learned that in any circumstance, if you are  not willing to just shut up and learn from it then you’re wasting it.  So I guess that makes me more prone to just chill now, instead of panicking about whatever happens.  Because I have learned to trust God in the good, the bad, and the truly bizarre.   I have learned that there is really not much to panic about.

A week before Chris lost his job at Dell, I had talked to a realtor about putting our home on the market.  I was renovating and packing, we shaped up our credit score, and I was scoping out the latest houses for sale in some nicer neighborhoods.   The vacation we planned was on the calendar for December 17th through the 25th, 2009.  Things were pretty spectacular and I had hope that things were just going to “go our way” for once in our lives.  And then…well, then we lost it.  The vacation fund needed to be drained in order to keep our mortgage on track.  The stuff I packed was moved from the dining room wall to the attic for a MUCH later moving date.  The renovations were pretty much stopped.  I just got tired–and depressed.  I felt like we could just never get ahead.  I felt like we were stuck.  In this house.  In this life of always hoping for something we may never attain.  It really hurt.

Now to the part God has been teaching me.  I was not content.  I became ungrateful for the house.  We *are* growing out of it, and moving is definitely something that is going to have to happen in the near future.  But God knew I needed something NOW.  This will look like a list of complaints, but it’s not. It is necessary though, to let you know why I was I was going crazy in here! And then in the italics are the solutions or thoughts he has replaced my chaotic thoughts with! It was truly a miracle, many things are easier to cope with now just by trusting HIM!

Organizing and straightening is a nightmare because there’s not a place for everything.  Things are squished, even after half of our stuff has been packed and about a third of it was donated.   With a bit more squishing and a bit more donating, I was able to condense the linen closet and the kitchen cabinets to provide not only more pantry room, but also 2 free cabinets for the things I stock with couponing!

The dishwasher takes up a lot of room in the kitchen.  It is a roll around and must be plugged in an outlet and connected to the sink to use.  Paper plates every now and then are okay.  The girls need to use the same cup all day.  Why is this a huge deal? Some people don’t have a dish washer.

If the dishwasher is plugged in, don’t try to do anything else in the kitchen.  Turning on the sink light, using the garbage disposal, making toast, or starting the dryer will undoubtedly short a fuse.  And of course, since the dishwasher uses the sink, making dinner is sometimes a challenge.  The other sink is in the bathroom, so if there are dishes running, the fruits and veggies are rinsed in the bathroom sink.  What else can I do?  Veggies washed in even the bathroom sink is witness to the fact that you are serving nutritious food to your family washed in clean water. You are provided for.

The girls share a room, and not only a room but also a bed.  This is not normally a problem.  The one factor we hadn’t considered is what to do if one child is sick, or trying to keep Trinity dry during the night,  or if the girls have a friend over, etc.  We don’t have room for two beds.  I guess I figured if it was good enough for the girls of Little House on the Prairie, it is good enough for us.  Yeah, not so much.  lol  Gracie is also growing into a stage where she will need some privacy soon.  This is going to be hard on Tiny, but with just one room, I can forsee a Brady Bunch situation coming on.  I know that one day I will walk in to their room to see a taped line right down the middle of the floor.  I wonder who will get access to the door and who will have to climb out a window? Spending some quality time with Trinity while Gracie gets away for “me time” is going to be vital to both girls’ growth.  When Gracie asks for space, I will do my best to honor it by asking Trinity to play a game with me, or help me do household chores.

Our living room is tiny.  We don’t have enough room for any more seating than the sofa and the recliner.  I hate having to pull out folding chairs and sit on the floor when we entertain.  And I just love to entertain.  I would more if I had a bigger house. So I gather ideas about what seating will look like in the next house.  We will not be here forever.  Maybe finding joy in small parties and backyard get togethers is the solution for now.  There will be plenty of time for this.

We have no utility room.  We have a washer and dryer next to the dishwasher in the kitchen.  Sigh.  Next house, this is going to be the first thing on the “NEEDS” list.  Laundry goes on the bed before it can be folded.  If it can’t be folded immediately, it goes in baskets on the floor.  Then it stays there till I can get to it.  In a week…just cluttering up my room. This is my most brilliant answer to prayer I got regarding the house.  God told me to change it up, and once I did, I couldn’t believe how much more efficient I became.  We have a changing table that looks like a nice piece of furniture.  It holds a ton of stuff and it was unused.  I brought it into the dining room and bought an over the door rack for the water closet door.  I renamed it my laundry station.  Instead of having a bunch of clothes piling up on our bed, I immediately put them in the laundry station.  Storage inside keeps outgrowns to donate or ebay when the season is right.  Wicker baskets in the cubbies are perfect for socks until they are reunited with their match.  Clothes get hung almost immediately, but even if they sit in the basket it is all out of the way and out of sight.  This has decreased my stress a million times over!  Creativity is key!

Chris’ office is about three times too small.  He has already run out of space to put clients’ computers.  While we take this as a good sign (business is good!) we can’t really have him working in a space so small for much longer. We bought pegboard and a workbench for him to organize his stuff.  The pegboard holds bins for small items such as screws and there are places for cables and cords.  I cleaned out the former “stockroom”–the closet that was used for all my coupon stock– and we are now using the space for his business.  Things he needs to store, things he needs easy access to, anything he wants to keep tucked away can go in there.  It isn’t the long term solution that we are looking forward to one day, but it does keep things a little more liveable in the here and now!

We have no garage.  This is only a problem on two occasions:  When there’s a thick layer of ice on the window of the van and I have to scrape it at 6:40 in order to get Gracie to school, and when the neighbor kids look down the street to see the van in the driveway– somehow that is a welcome mat.  Sigh. Well, I have no creative solutions to getting the neighborhood kids out of my house.  Any suggestions? If I tell them the girls can’t play, they come back like 10 minutes later to ask again.  Worse than roaches if you ask me.  At least roaches you have the satisfaction of getting rid of one every now and then!  The ice thing–we just watch the news.  If it’s going to be icy, and we have to be up early, we throw a sheet or blanket over the windshield.  Yeah, it’s not ideal but it saves us time in the mornings.

Our master bedroom is only a master because it has two closets.  Two small closets, but two closets nonetheless.  There is no master bath.  Our house has only one bathroom…which brings me to the next point.

When someone is needing to use the bathroom bad, their options are to demand whoever is in there get OUT immediately or go outside.  Yes, we’ve all done both.  And I can’t tell you how either option sucks.  Royally.  I know you’re probably laughing right now, and yes, that’s fine, one day it will be funny to me, too.  But if you’ve ever had two children in the bath tub while your husband pounds on the bathroom door that we need to get out RIGHT NOW or else…well, you’ll understand.  This is also a problem on chaotic mornings when we all need to brush our teeth, go potty, blow noses, fix hair, find the Advil, etc.  We just have to be more intentional about asking the other family members if they need to use it if we plan on showering.   I can do that.  We can do this…for as long as we need to.  We just have to remember to be more courteous when it comes to bathroom sharing.

Space.  There’s just not any. Stuff.  There just needs to be less of it.   The kids don’t need many toys to keep them happy, and if we’re done with something, I pass it on.  No sense in making them hang onto it.   What kind of example is that if I make them keep a toy they don’t love?   We also don’t buy them toys for rewards or any other time besides Christmas and birthdays.  This has helped a TON!

Starting the new business helped us cope with the money situation, although you have to spend money to make money!  Advertising, the cost of starting the home office, all the supplies and start up costs were covered with our savings.  We put it all on the line and just prayed that things would be okay in the end.  Seven months later and we are finally seeing the fruits of our labors and our faith.  Things are going well.  It is easier to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I suppose, even if it is just a faint glimmer right now.  I know that God will help me be content because He knows our needs and He knows our wants.  He gave us this house and I have to believe it wasn’t a mistake.  The season has not changed without his knowledge.  He is preparing a new place and will provide when we are ready.  In His Mercy, he has not let us have a place we are not ready for.  So until we are, we will continue to try and be creative and content with the things we do have.  Our satisfaction is not rooted in things anyhow, it is in Him.

If you’ve stayed with me for this rambling, well, thanks. Maybe it was just a reminder for me, I dunno. Just remember that the key to contentment is sometimes just the perspective with which you see it!

So I’m struggling with updating.  As you can probably tell, if you still even follow this thing…

The problem I am having, I think, is the fact that there was definitely a purpose in my writing.  My very first blog post was about Gracie.  We established GracieMoroz.com so that our family out of town could keep up with the new baby.  That was almost seven years ago now.  Soon Gracie was talking and the blog was all her antics and sass.  It was basically about Miss Gracie for about three years until we left the ministry at First United Methodist Church, not of our own volition, but under a senior pastor who made some horrible decisions by cleaning house including most of the staff.  The blog became sort of therapy as we dug through the heartache of leaving a ministry we had devoted our lives to for the first years of our marriage.  It became a victory cry that God was still on His throne, and our family would be fine.  We weathered the storm and I blogged my lil’ heart out. It was therapy somehow.

Then came Trinity, and the blog rolled on.  Sisters, new baby, adjusting to the family of four.  GracieMoroz.com became Morozfamily.com and I was all about blogging about life, whatever came our way.  Then came the diagnosis of cancer.  I remember writing that post, entitled “I hate to be the one to tell you this” and writing in between Trinity’s late night newborn feedings.  I remember the thousands of responses and letters that seemed to flood my email on an hourly basis.  I remember feeling the support from all over the world, and in turn, as if to give an offering back, giving my honest account of what it was like to be 29 with aggressive stage 3 breast cancer.  And the mother of a three year old and a newborn baby.  And then there was the layoff with AOL.  And then there was Dell.   And then there was yet again a job loss at Dell.  There was heartache and pain but by that time we’d been given a peace about whatever seemed to come our way.  Nothing much made us too worried because through all the circumstances life threw at us, no matter what, our faith stayed strong.  Our hearts were heavy at times, but the faith in God was the thing that held us together.  Even on the worst of days.

So we started the business.  I blogged.  I facebooked.  I passed out cards and became the PR for Golden Years Computer Services.  I told you all that it was a step of faith.  I said it was hard, even though we trusted God.  It is still hard.  Six months into the business, and yes, it’s still hard but we are making it.  We have found a niche and people like us.  They like our company and they like our services.  All is well in our little house.  But…

We have been once again trudging the uphill battle against cancer in our family.  My father in law, Dick, was diagnosed with bladder and prostate cancer just a few days before Christmas.  The scariest part of cancer in my opinion is that you’re sick but you have to just let the sickness hang out in your body and contaminate you until they can get it out.  Chemo and radiation were not options in this case so our only choice was to wait until they did surgery.  They removed his bladder completely and were able to eliminate what was left of the cancer. Pathology showed he is clear, which is great news.  The hard part now is trusting that he will stay clear.  He has been at home recovering and he looks healthy, which is good.  I know he’s had some hard days, but that is to be expected.  I know now that watching a family member you love suffer through the effects of cancer is far worse than being a patient.  I am praying for the opportunity to be as much of a supporter to him as he was to me during my journey.  This is hard for me because he doesn’t like to talk about his feelings, and of course, I’m an open book.  But I know that there is a reason that I had to go through what I did, and I know I’m not supposed to keep it bottled up inside.  If it can help people, great.  If it can help a very loved family member get through this time, then I am grateful to have gone through it.

Personal life:  And then there was… well…  There was nothing.  Sure, I could bore you with all the things I did today, including laundry and endless amounts of dishwashing or mom-taxi-ing my way around Bethany schools.  But I just don’t have it in me, and honestly, there are enough blogs about that, right?  You don’t need mine.  My experiences now are just pretty everyday, normal, vanilla, plain jane.  There is nothing about me that makes me stand out. Maybe it’s a feeling of “normal” that I am having trouble identifying with, oddly enough.  Maybe it’s because I have reconstructed boobs and my hair has grown out from that shiny bald chemo head I once rocked.  Maybe it’s because I have no excruciating treatments to tell you about, no life lessons from the oncologists’ office, no words of wisdom from the infusion room.  Maybe it’s now that I stop relying on the things that made me so different from you and start relying on God to give me the words to make a difference.  This time, though, just as Kari. Just what God is teaching me and what I am learning.  Of course there will always be adversity and I will always be the optimist.  There will always be overtones of hope and faith and happiness.  I can’t hide that, it’s who I am.  So stay with me, the blog is once again changing.  I don’t know what it will look like in the end.  I imagine that if I gathered it up from 7 years ago to today, it would be quite a biography.  So many lessons learned, so many battles fought, and this family just keeps getting stronger and stronger.  So if you’ve wondered why I’m not blogging, that’s why.  If you’re up to it, though, come with me. Twenty ten promises to be a better year than we’ve seen in awhile, and I’m looking forward to telling you all about it.

Peace and Love,

Kari

They are in the process of cleaning out their stuff.  Anything that is still usable and in good condition that they feel like someone else would enjoy, it’s going in this box.  Isn’t this truly how Christmas should be spent?  Giving to others in need, in the love of Christ?  My kids are amazing and some days I feel like I really don’t deserve them.  The beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair…so true.  Especially when it comes to my beautiful little girls and my amazing husband.

I promise, faithful readers, I’m trying to be better about updating.  Sigh.  Life is moving at light speed these days!

We’ve had a ton of stuff going on, and it just wouldn’t be fair if I left out any of it.

First, some sad news but worth mentioning.  When Chris and I were youth pastors at First Church OKC, we had a ton of awesome kids.  Fun-loving, God-seeking, awkward staged, brace- faced, smelly, precious, kids.  They came from all over the metro and from all kinds of homes.  Some were born on Saturday and in church on Sunday.  Others wandered in but had no idea why.  We loved them all.  Even the ones who were unlovable by anyone else.  Many of them we kept in contact, mainly through facebook.  Some we never did see again.  I wondered often about them, but hoped they were doing well–after all they were not kids anymore.  The hope we carried was that the time they were with us, they learned of God’s love and faithfulness to carry them into their adult lives.  So when I heard of the news of 21-year-old Brooke Phillips’ tragic murder, it devastated me to the core.   She was a silly fifteen year old who attended crossmind and found Jesus in the midst of peer pressure, an unconventional home life, a tough school, and her own insecurities.  To hear that she was a prostitute in the MoonLite Bunny Ranch, a reality TV star on HBO’s CatHouse, pregnant, and murdered all in the same day was shocking to say the least.  I cried for days.  There was no peace.  I cried myself to sleep and woke up bawling from nightmares.  I couldn’t shake the imagery that the News portrayed.  Stabbed, shot, set on fire.  My poor Brooke! That sweet child!  I don’t care where she went or what she did–she was one of my princesses. She was God’s.  I know the hell she lived here all fell away when she left this place.  Heaven is now celebrating that the child that once trusted Jesus as her savior is now complete.  No pain, no addictions, no self-loathing or low self esteem, no reason to believe that she has to be someone she’s not.  Thank you, God, for your redemptive power.  Even to the ones of us who continue to run away with our wayward hearts and our lack of faith.  Thank you that you can save even me!

And a second tragedy hit our small town as well.  A man named John Griffis passed away.  He was a father, a husband, teacher and coach at Bethany Schools, friend to many.  Our family did not know him, but we know his wife, Saundra.  She was always smiling when she would arrive at the school and help Gracie out of the van into the school building. Gracie would sometimes “help” her make coffee and visit with Saundra until breakfast was served.  This little gesture of kindness during Gracie’s first year of school at Bethany set the tone for how she feels about school now.  She was welcomed and loved on by Saundra, and Gracie looked forward to seeing her every morning.   So when we found out that John had been hospitalized, and passed away less than a week later, we were so deeply saddened. Please, pray for Saundra and the four children he left behind.  The family is obviously devastated by this loss but there has been such beauty from Saundra’s blog, and from the outpouring of love from this city.   There was a day that a local pizza parlor donated the proceeds from their sales to the family.  Another day, our Chick- Fil- A donated a percentage from lunch and dinner to the memorial fund.   It was the greatest thing to walk into a crowded Chick Fil A to eat lunch with a couple hundred of my closest friends!  Knowing it was all for the Griffis family made me so grateful to be in such a wonderful, loving, praying community.  Salon Envy and several other local businesses have made T shirts available, all proceeds going to the family as well.  They sent home an order form from the school today and all the kids are going to wear them all together next week.  I hope that this support and love is with the Griffis family for their entire lives.

The girls are growing so fast! Gracie is excelling in school and has a passion for reading and ballet.  Trinity just gets funnier every day.  We still have a hard time understanding what the heck she’s saying half the time, but she’s really cute and silly.  We are fortunate that we have such smart, beautiful, healthy children.  They are truly a blessing, even when they’re being crazy.  Trinity asked me if I thought she was on Santa’s naughty list.  She’s just so funny!  And possibly pretty perceptive…I told her she’d have to quit peeing her pants if she wanted off the naughty list.  We’ll see if that happens!!

We are having Christmas here this year, at least at first.  While in the past we’ve spent the night at Chris’ parents’ house, we have missed having Santa come here!  So this year, our stockings will be filled and Santa will leave gifts here, and then we’ll go over to open presents and join the family.  My family, we usually see later in the day, and so this works out perfectly.  My favorite part of Christmas is getting to have all my family with me.  The convenience of our parents living only 10 minutes apart is so great on holidays where travel is stressful and kids get overwhelmed!  I’m fortunate in that way, I know so many people have to travel!  We’re so lucky too, to have Chris’ sister, Katie, her husband Jason, and their son Joby, home this year.  Well, home in Oklahoma!  They lived in New York and are spending a year here for Jason to finish school.  We are enjoying them being here so much and I love, love, love that sweet nephew of mine!  The girls adore their cousin and I’m looking forward to cherishing every moment of Christmas that we get to spend together!

I can’t really say a whole lot yet, because I don’t know a lot yet, but just today the pathology came back that my father in law, Dick, has cancer.  I told Janie yesterday, “I don’t want to do it again, but I will do it again.  And we will go through this again as a family.”  I love them so much and to be on the other side of all of this is really, well, strange.  It was me last time and everyone was strong for me.  So I didn’t really have to be, if that makes sense.  But now, I somehow need to be strong for him, and I don’t think I do that well.  I’m going to just trust God and do the best I can to draw strength from what I know.  And Who I know.  Cancer isn’t something you get through by yourself.  He has a great family to pull him through.  In the moments that seem things are falling apart, we have  each other to hold one another up.  And that’s what I plan on doing.

Apologies for this Debbie Downer post.  I’ve been putting off a lot of it because it isn’t happy…most of it is sad. But it is tinged with hope, and honestly I’m getting quite used to the circumstances of life being less than beautiful.  Relying on God to give us our provision, our health, our strength through loss and illness…it’s become a way of life for us.  I am really okay with it on most days.  Sure I have my moments but it’s through the fire that we are refined.  I guess if I’m going to be who I am supposed to be, it’s going to take all this heartache of life mixed in with the true, good, and perfect moments, put there by God to sustain me.   It’s in choosing to believe that life is good, even when circumstances say otherwise, that we become who we are meant to be.

And now, I’ll show you a few more pics of why life is entirely so beautiful and grand for me.  When nothing else can be called good in my life, I have them:

Wow, that was fast! October flew by and here we are almost to the middle of November.  The Moroz family has stayed oh so busy with school projects, Thanksgiving programs, working on the new business, and those girls–they are both so brilliant.  Trinity has learned how to recognize her name at her school.  She’s also getting very good at writing her “T” and points it out on every sign we pass.  Good girl!  Mary Grace is excelling in school and just today made 2 100’s on her Accelerated Reading tests.  We are so proud of her.  We also just love her teacher, Mrs Cochran.  She is a patient woman who really understands and loves her.  She has been a godsend for us this year.  I just can’t imagine going to school anywhere else!

First Grade does a Thanksgiving program and Mary Grace was a pilgrim! She did such a great job and sang her first solo.  It was very sweet.  She really has a great voice and I hope that singing a solo will give her the confidence she needs to continue to perform on stage.  She’s still doing ballet as well.  She’s always been a bit of a performer, so I’m not really surprised!  She’s an amazing child.  I know you can’t tell I absolutely adore her.  =)

Can I talk just a minute about our business?  We are doing well but we could always use your recommendation to your friends and family.  We can remotely fix computers anywhere on the planet, so if you have a computer and it needs virus removal, updating,  etc, we can do it!   Check out our website at www.goldenyearscomputerservices.com

…and if you’re looking for a great Christmas gift, you should check out www.goldenyearscomputerservices.com/Christmas Get one for you and a friend!  At that price,  it makes a perfect Christmas gift AND a little something nice for your computer as well!

I’m just so proud of my husband and all he’s accomplished with our business.  He really knows what he’s doing.  We have had a few times where there have been doubts, and days where things aren’t perfect.  But all in all, we have learned that God is in control and He is blessing our business.   It is so obvious to those who have offered their prayerful support!  My best friend, Kendra and I were praying just this morning.  It was a rough week last week so we just prayed and really asked God to bring us the business we needed to get through this week…well, not 15 minutes after we had finished, Chris called.  He asked what time we were praying for the business and I told him.  Turns out that’s the time he got three new phone calls from people who needed his help!  Of course, Kendra and I were ecstatic and it was so cool to share that moment of our lives together. Thank you, Lord, that even when we can’t see you working, you still are! And thank you, God that this business is yours.  I think about Chick Fil A and Hobby Lobby and Mardel, how those companies are so obviously run by people who dedicated it to the Lord in the very beginning and never looked back, never forgot God was more important than their success.  I want to be like that!  I am so thankful that we are 5 months in and we are still afloat! Only by the grace of God.   May we never, ever forget that. 

Now for some pics?  Okay…if you insist.  1. Thanksgiving program–Indian Molly and Pilgrim Mary Grace. 2. Halloween–2 ballerinas (surprised?)  3. A fall visitor! Such a perfect way to see beauty in nature!  She let us watch her grow in that cocoon and one day she came out.  The girls were so excited! 4, 5, 6.  Some pics from a photo shoot..more to come!