Today with the help of many family and friends, I got my skin grafts!

My dad came over early this morning to help Gracie get dressed for school and then he took her to school as well, in his big red truck, which was a real treat to Miss Gracie.  It’s loud and I *think* she likes a big entrance! 

My cousin Angie came over to watch Trinity and although Trinity cried when I left, not 5 minutes later, Angie texted me to tell me that the two of them were playing “Dora” in the playroom.  And when Gracie came home from school, the girls were treated to new toys and a lunch at McDonalds. Thank you, Angie!  All is well.

My dad drove me to the hospital while I cried quietly.  I asked Daddy to let me cry, I felt like I had needed to all morning.  The weekend was really tough, and I felt like I couldn’t do it anymore.  I’ve been strong and courageous and optimistic for two.whole.years.  And honestly I’m just very tired.  I needed the good cry.  Usually that doesn’t last long but it turns out I cried on and off for two hours.  We arrived at the hospital pre-op at 8:20 and I cried (and vomited) till 10:20 when they wheeled me back.  My head was pounding. It was a relief to be laying on the operatory table and to see the oxygen mask coming down onto my face. 

I woke up and wasn’t in pain but very sleepy and starving!  So they gave me some apple juice and crackers.  Once I ate and had peed, the nurse came in with a wheelchair and wheeled me out to the valet, where Daddy was waiting to take me home.  We stopped by Sonic so I could have a chicken sandwich and a cherry limeade.  Then we came home and I slept until just now!  

Tomorrow I’m treating it like a normal day.  Pray I don’t hurt!

Gracie is officially a kindergartener!  What a big day for her. And for me, too!  (No, I didn’t cry, and neither did she!) From the moment we walked into the school this morning, Little Miss Popular was greeted by her friends, older kids and teachers and staff.  Everyone knows who Gracie is…surprise!  And like a good Mom-arazzi I took some pictures.  So you’ll get something besides a boring cancer update from me!  Yay!

The first two are of Gracie on Meet your Teacher day.  The others are first day of school, and that last one is showing you that Gracie can now tie her shoes!  My big girl!

And in other news, I have to have another surgery on Monday.  It’s outpatient, just a skin graft.  But still it’s just another roadblock to normalcy and honestly I’m getting tired.  Just pray that it’s less pain and inconvenience than I expect it to be.

I saw Dr Bajaj again today and she said I look great for only being out of surgery 2 weeks.  She’s very happy with my progress.  And she took out my boob stitches.  No more stitches on me at all! Good stuff! 

The bad news is that there are some areas (one on the top of each breast) that have not properly fused.  The problem happens when there’s just not enough stretchable skin, in my case, because of all the radiation damage.  We were afraid this might happen.  I have some gaping areas that are not closing, so Dr will need to  do some skin grafts.  It sucks, but what else can I do?  It will be outpatient at St Anthony’s and I’ll be home that day.  It is a minor setback but to someone who is ready to just get back and into life, it seems like a big deal. 

I’m about to have a visit from three of my most favorite people of all time.  Chris is bringing the girls to see me, and I can’t wait to give them all hugs and kisses!  I’m so ready to be back to real life!

I’m getting around a little bit and have been taking daily walks down the street.  Chris took me home over the weekend so we could spend some time together.  I’m sure my parents welcomed the break as well.  Gracie and Trinity spent the weekend in between the grandparents’ houses.  Chris made me a special dinner of Spring salad, peaches, Praline Chicken, breadsticks, and cream puffs for dessert.  We watched Vantage Point and went to bed.  The next day we took a walk, spent time just being together, and I watched him do dishes and laundry.  I can’t wait to be home so I can help but honestly it was nice to not have to worry about it. 

This whole experience is definitely taking its toll on Gracie.  She’s so ready for all this to be over.  We have limited visits, and she always cries when she has to leave me.  She gave me a photo of her and Trinity “so you won’t forget us”  How sad is that??  She doesn’t understand.  We’re closer than we think we are. 

I go see Dr Bajaj again tomorrow.  Last time she took out my abdomen stitches so I expect this time she’ll take out the stitches across my chest.  I hope.  Last night as we were changing the dressings, we noticed there was definitely a lot of healing that had been happening.  And I’m able to sit and stand on my own now.  I’m walking as much as I can to keep my muscles active.  It’s hard but I’m getting there. 

I read a novel that some friends had brought by.  I was going to start on the Twilight series but I haven’t gotten the books yet.  Chris bought me The Audacity of Hope because I have been wanting to read it forever, and while I feel that I am already researched on my choice for president, I wanted to read Barack Obama’s biography so that I can understand him more.  I have always liked Obama, even when he was a long shot.   So I’ll be absorbed in that book for a few days. 

Nothing else really to say.

I went to see Dr Bajaj for my follow up from the hospital.  She and Denise, the nurse, took off the bandages there in the office and then Denise held up the mirror for me.  I started bawling.  Brooke was in the room and she was crying too. Then Denise and Dr Bajaj were crying! My boobs look sooooo good!  And then Dr Bajaj went to get her dad, (who is the other Dr Bajaj, not just some random old man) and he came in to look too. They all agreed that I look fantastic, and my recovery is going so very well–and fast!  I’m thrilled.  It’s not completely healed but I can see the potential, when all the stitches are removed and the skin fuses, it’s going to be amazing! I’m sooooo happy with the result so far.  My stomach is so flat!  But Dr Bajaj said I’m still pretty swollen so I’ll actually be thinner when it’s all said and done.  I’m shocked and thrilled, and thankful!  It truly is amazing all that they could do to help me look “normal” again.  I’m so grateful. 

 While we were looking at my new body, Dr Bajaj’s dad pointed out the extra skin she had left on the incision on my hips.  There are two lump-type areas about the size of a quarter she left on each side.  When we asked her what it was, she said “Nipples!”–she thought of everything!  So when I’m ready to get my nipples put on, they’ll transplant that skin.  Until then, though, they’re on my hips.  They’re my hipples.  hahaha   

I miss Chris and the girls so much but they’re doing well.  Ma and Gracie got her back-to-school shoe wardrobe yesterday at the mall and then they out to eat.  When they came to show me her shoes, Gracie ran in with her new sneakers and told me she got “the fastest pair of shoes in the whole store!”  Apparently there was a lot of running in Stride Rite that day–every pair had to be tested for speed.  =)  I so love that girl.  She also got some dress shoes for days when the fast shoes don’t match her dresses. I’ll be happy when we retire/sell all her Crocs and trash all her flip flops. 

The girls see each day as an adventure and they’re having a blast.  Yesterday they went swimming with Uncle Matthew and Aunt Brooke. Today they are at my friend Elisha’s house.  Elisha has 3 girls, so I’m sure there will be an overabundance of nail polish, giggles and hairbows.  My parents took them to the Omniplex, they get to play with friends every day, and they get gifts from Mommy when they get home! (Smartest thing I ever did was to buy and wrap trinkets for them to open when they miss me!)  They are enjoying all the variety in their days.  So this has been good. 

 We’re so thankful for everyone who is helping out with the kids, meals, and housekeeping stuff.  I’m sure we couldn’t do any of this without you all!